Category Archives: prop 8

The Driver

Posted on by under civil rights, prop 8, storytelling

“In Ethiopia it’s 70 degrees and sunny every day, I miss that weather,” says the driver as we make small chat about the freezing weather and snow in DC. Then the conversation veers around where I live (San Francisco), where he used to live (Ethiopia), what he likes about being a driver. “Do you drive,” he asks? “As little as possible,” I reply, “I prefer to passenger on planes trains cars, and pedestrian as much as I can.” I mention my daughter. She wants to learn to drive someday. Sometimes, I’ve noticed, well, more often than not, if I mention that I’m a parent then I’m assumed to be straight unless I quickly (often non sequitorly) append a reference to my wife.

He mentions that he has a friend, from Ethiopia, who moved to San Jose, while he, the driver, lives in Virginia. His friend told him, “don’t visit me here.” He asked why. The friend responded, “there are a lot of gays here.” He asked me, “Is San Francisco full of gays?”

I wondered where this conversation was wandering. It felt slightly awkward. “There aren’t any gay people in Ethiopia,” he continued, “people hurt and kill gay people. I don’t understand the gays. I have a friend, she says she’s lesbian, and she asks me all the time if I’m okay with gay.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. With the conversation threads of immigrating from a country where being gay means invisible or harmed (how can you harm and kill gays if nobody is gay?), the friend who doesn’t like the gays in San Jose, …. It seemed the odds weren’t good for this conversation and I felt trapped in the back of the car.

I’ve had this experience before. A driver chitchats, I respond and add to the conversation, eventually I’m asked if I have children, if I’m married. Yes, yes, I reply. And, inevitably, “what does your husband do?” And so, “oh, no husband,” I cheerily say, “I have a wife.” The majority of the time, “oh, my mistake” is the response and the conversation continues, but a few times there is silence for the rest of the ride, the driver, the married dyke out of the closet in the back seat.

This driver continued, “I don’t understand gay, I don’t know any gays, besides my friend who says she’s lesbian, my friend in San Jose  is afraid of the gays, sometimes I think I see gay people here in U.S., in my country being gay is not okay.”

“If she says she’s a lesbian, then isn’t she a lesbian, not just saying she is?” I challenge him. He considers, “I don’t care who anyone is, it’s just that I grew up where there are no gays, gays are hurt and killed.”

Then we were at the airport. My heart was beating faster. “Thank you for the ride,” I say, “you’ve met one more gay. I’m married to a woman.” His head whipped around, “you? Really? No way.” Keeping a quiver out of my voice, not having felt so slightly afraid of coming out to someone in a long time, “yes, I’m a lesbian like your friend, and I have a wife who I’ve been with for 15yrs and we have a daughter.”

I smile and step out of the car and walk into the airport. I wasn’t in danger but I was so shaky nervous.

The more people know “the gays,” the less likely they are to vote, or advocate, against civil and human rights for LGBT people. One towncar driver at a time. Speak up.

Sibling Smartphones

Posted on by under prop 8, tech, usability

I’m about to upgrade my original Motorola Droid to a Droid3 (which will hopefully arrive tomorrow). I use both an iPhone4 and Motorola Droid and recently commented on an email list that that they complement each other.

droid, iphone4

Droid and iPhone4 complement each other

I’ve ended up using two smartphones because of my work. My company does usability testing for iPhone, iPad and Android apps (as well as web sites and web apps).  For my work, when I’m watching people use a mobile app and interviewing them and videorecording what they’re doing on the smartphone or tablet, it’s much easier to videorecord the screen of an Android device compared with the screen of an iDevice (probably because the screen of iDevices are so bright).

If I have to choose just one smartphone to put in my pocket, I usually choose based on where I’m going and what I’m doing:

  • If I’m travelling and need lots of apps for mapping and finding things, as well as airline apps for checking in and finding a gate, I use the iPhone.
  • If it’s my daily life of parenting and working and commuting on MUNI/Caltrain and communicating with people, I use the Droid.
  • If I’m going to take a lot of photos or videos, I use the iPhone.
  • If I’m going to do a lot of writing (even if just a lot of texting), I use the Droid.
  • If I want to play Plants v Zombies, I can only play that on the iPhone (it won’t run on my Droid1 but I’m hoping it will on my new Droid3 tomorrow!)

The original Motorola Droid:

  • It does better multitasking than the iPhone and I can keep more things running at the same time.
  • It works well as a phone since Verizon has more coverage than AT&T in San Francisco (less of an issue now with iPhone and Verizon)
  • The physical keyboard makes it much easier for me to type a lot (I miss the keyboard on the Treo – it was one of the easiest to use keyboards I’ve ever used on a smartphone. I could type on the Treo keyboard without looking at it)
  • The response time seems, to me, much faster for everything compared with iPhone4
  • It’s more transparent and I can always see what an app is accessing and find and kill any running processes
  • One of the biggest learning curves I had, in 2009, when I first got the Droid, was figuring out how to make my battery last all day. The power widget became my best friend.
  • The widgets are awesome. I love the power widget for easily toggling, right on the “desktop,” the settings for wi-fi and bluetooth and GPSand sync and brightness without going all the way into the settings
  • The screen is not as pretty and bright as the iPhone – it’s duller on the Droid, but that means it’s easier to use clandestinely in the dark and easier to video record how someone is using it
  • It’s not as easy to backup as the iPhone, but it’s easier to get data on and off the Droid since you just mount it as an external drive on any computer. That’s more flexible and manageable than the iPhone’s requirement to handshake with iTunes.
  • It’s super difficult to sync contacts/calendar/mail unless you’re syncing with google so I just gave up on some of my distrust of google and sync it all there
  • The animated wallpapers amuse me (and drain the battery)
  • MUNI Alerts is by far my favorite and most used app (I ride public transportation a lot in San Francisco). It loads much more quickly than Routesy on the iPhone and time is of the essence when getting to a bus or streetcar.
  • I love love love the Kindle app because I can read the same book between Droid, iPhone, iPad and keep track of bookmarks in the cloud
  • I also like using the Evernote and Dropbox and WordPress and Google Docs and Netflix apps between Droid, iPhone, iPad
  • It’s much easier to take a photo with the physical button on the side of the Droid (compared with trying to tap something on the screen on the iPhone) — particularly if you’re holding the phone with an outstretched arm
  • The apps are easier to get. Many of the iPhone apps require a wi-fi connection to download and then sometimes want to sync with a computer.
  • When I was waiting at city hall in the summer of 2010, waiting for a prop8 decision to come from fed court, waiting with friends who hoped to get married (then couldn’t), I looked for a piano app for iPhone or Droid so I could play the wedding march for them and other couples.  I couldn’t get an app for iPhone — none of them could be downloaded over a 3g connection, they all wanted wi-fi.  I did find an app for Android and successfully tapped out the wedding march.
  • I can easily tether my Droid and have been able to for quite a while. It wasn’t and still isn’t as easy to tether an iPhone.
  • It used to be that popular/major apps (or maybe just the ones that intrigue me) almost always came out for iPhone before they did for Android. Now, in 2011, some apps come out for Android first.

The iPhone4:

  • I love the screen and the games.  It’s a bright gorgeous screen.
  • I dislike that I can’t dim the screen enough. The lowest brightness setting isn’t low enough at night in the dark.
  • I like the front facing camera and I use it a lot, sometimes just to see if there’s any lunch left between my two front teeth.
  • It’s much easier to sync/backup than Droid since it’s a closed system but I dislike that you have to sync everything in order to backup, particularly for iBooks books.
  • I dislike that iBooks books can only be read on two of my devices.
  • There’s more stuff for my kid to play with on the iPhone than on the Droid. There are probably 70 or 80 games on my iPhone for my kid compared with 7 or 8 on my Droid.
  • I hate the touchscreen for typing but I’ve gotten better at it. Last winter I used Echo Design’s gloves and tested them on iPhone and Droid for typing in cold weather without taking off gloves. It was easier to use the iPhone with gloves than the Droid (can’t type on physical hardware keyboard with gloves)
  • I manage all of my music via iTunes and it’s easier to get music onto the iPhone than onto the Droid
  • I pay a lot to AT&T for service that is rarely available at my home or the other places I work/wander around San Francisco. I usually just keep it in airport mode with wi-fi on. Oddly enough I noticed that the San Francisco Chronicle building has a strong AT&T signal and practically no Verizon signal.
  • I have a general impression that some apps on iPhone are more elegant than any apps on Droid. I find Droid apps tend to be more buggy than iPhone apps, in general.
  • I use an app called Sit or Squat a lot to find a bathroom when I’m out and about.  I don’t know of a similar app for Android.
  • Foursquare, when I use it, seems to find places nearby more quickly on the iPhone than on my Droid. That might just be a problem with the GPS service turning off/on/off/on on my Droid.
  • Mark Bittman’s “How to Cook Everything” apps are my new favorites and they don’t exist for Android.

Watching the Prop 8 Challenge

Posted on by under civil rights, marriage, prop 8

On Monday, Dec 6, 2010, at 10am PT, there’s a proceeding (is that the same as a hearing or arguments? I’m not a lawyer) in the Ninth Circuit Court for Perry v Schwarzenegger, the Prop 8 federal appeal.  A bunch of people have asked me how to watch it live.  I collected a list (it’s certainly not exhaustive) of radio/TV stations whose request was granted by the court (yay! thank you, 9th circuit for doing what the last court wouldn’t do!) to broadcast live.

The easiest way to to watch is via C-SPAN.  They stream live on their web site at http://www.c-span.org/Watch/C-SPAN.aspx (with an option for fullscreen viewing in a separate window).

If you’re in San Francisco or Pasadena or Seattle or Portland or Brooklyn or Boston, you can watch the proceedings at a courthouse.  Details about viewing in a courthouse are here in a PDF.  My wife, Moya, and I, will most likely be in one of the overflow viewing rooms in a San Francisco courthouse. I like sitting in an overflow room in a courthouse (usually a courtroom) with other people interested in the continuing Prop 8 legal trials.  At closing arguments in the last court trial, I met someone who called himself my “enemy.”

Mostly local to the San Francisco Bay Area, these TV and radio stations were granted their request for live broadcast or later broadcast.  The radio stations probably stream their broadcast on their web site or through iTunes or similar:

KGO-TV
KRON-TV
KTVU – Channel 2
ABC News (both TV and radio)
KCBS radio
KGO radio
KQED News
Non-Party Media Coalition (TV, Radio, Webcast) <— who’s that?
CBS Network News and PBS-Newshour and KPIX TV, CBS 5 and KXTV-News10 are videotaping for later broadcast

I’m hoping the results of this appeal end up more like this:

Aug 4, 2010 Prop 8 federal decision

Aug 4, 2010 Prop 8 federal district court decision

And not at all like this:

May 26, 2009 California State Supreme Court decision

Once is Not Enough

Posted on by under happiness, prop 8, storytelling

When I was 5, I rode a bus every day, for about a half hour each way, to Kindergarten.  I lived in the country and went to Kindergarten at a school in a small town.  There was a girl who rode the same bus who I paid close attention to every day.  She always wore her hair in 2 pigtails and she had a polka dot dress that I loved.  She was my first crush.

There was no Lance Bass, no Melissa Etheridge, nobody coming out on the cover of a major news magazine, no gayby boom, no Will & Grace, no L Word, no president saying the words gay or lesbian or acknowledging LGBT people, no Ellen, no DADT or fight to end DADT, no domestic partner rights, no adoption rights, no fight for ENDA, no Prop8, no lesbian mayor of Houston in the news, and I didn’t even know the acronym or the words for the acronym LGBT until my late teens.

The first time, as a young teenager, I told an adult that I was attracted to girls, not boys, I was told that my feelings were wrong and I could pray those feelings away.

The second time I came out, as an adult, I stayed out and I regularly continue to come out, as needed.  When someone, in casual chitchat, asks if I’m married, I say yes, the followup question is usually, “What does your husband do?” and I come out again.  When someone says my daughter looks like me and asks if she looks like my husband too, then I come out again, both as a woman with a wife and as an adoptive mother, not a biological mother.

My parents love me dearly, my lesbian sister and straight brothers, too, and if someone asks them about their children and grandchildren they likely mention their 6 smart beautiful amazing grandchildren and their 4 successful talented children.  They are probably less likely to mention that their 2 daughters are lesbians, or that 4 of those 6 grandchildren have lesbian moms.  They are also probably less likely to mention that the 4 children with lesbian moms are all adopted by their daughters, being the biological children of their daughters’ wives.

I could be wrong about that, but I do know straight people, particularly parents of LGBT people, often have their own closet and coming out process that share a lot in common with the experience of LGBT people who lose friendships and family closeness when they come out.

Too many times LGBT people are blamed for the loss of family or friends, and the estrangement within social and familial groups, when they come out.  They aren’t to blame.  If anyone is to blame, it’s the family and friends who so easily reject a relationship with someone who is dear to them.